Don’t ask me how I went through the rest of the day. Don’t ask me how I went home either. Don’t ask me who I met, how many phone calls I received, which documents I signed or which payments I approved that day. Don’t ask me, because I would not be able to tell. I was in complete shock, not really realising the extent of the situation. I felt sorry, later on, that I promised things to my colleagues or business partners, or that I took business decisions, involving dozens of personnel and thousands of pounds, without really having a rational and analytical mindset.

 

I had plans for this evening. Going to the gym first and after a nice workout, prepare a Caesar salad and comfortably sit in the couch and watch a rental DVD that recently came out. From the office, I headed home. I erred a bit around on the way. I tried my best to clear my mind by some shopping attempts. But, the trousers and shirts did not fit, the Amy Macdonald CD I wanted to buy a week ago was really nothing good and I could not choose the bottle of wine I would bring to Susan’s birthday. I finally made it home and directly couched myself in front on the telly. The screen was showing floods in a country somewhere in the world, destructions of war in another one and results of political elections in a third country. All of this was very far away at the moment. The newsreader could announce the end of the World for tomorrow, I would not care much. Mine already collapsed today.

 

I spent hours trying to solve the puzzle of “why’s”, “how’s”, “what if’s” and “maybe if’s”, still nothing clear came to my mind. A phone call shook me out of my apathetic state and I realised that it was already very late. Night had fallen over the city and I have been sitting in a dark room for a couple of hours already. I turned on the lights in the room and picked-up the phone. It was my friend Neil, he was asking why he did not see me at the gym today and if I was still okay for a good male pub ride tomorrow evening with the usual mates. I told him I was sorry that I worked too hard today and was too late for the gym. The appointment tomorrow would also have to wait. There were some issues at work that I had to solve, and it would probably be late overtime tomorrow. I completely understood that I wanted to clear the matter before the weekend, so I could enjoy a nice weekend with Jane. Ouch… that hurt! I forgot about my troubles for a second, and my good friend Neil just plunged me into it again.

 

After hanging up, I turned off the light again and walked to the bedroom. I removed my jacket and my shoes and lay down on the bed. The double bed suddenly felt too big and so empty. I turned and started staring at the wall. I could feel the warmth of a teardrop rolling down my cheek.