As usual, my mobile phone was laying somewhere. As usual, I did not hear it ring or vibrate when the calls came in. As usual, I overheard many missed calls. As usual, many text messages were waiting to be read. Three of these were from the phone provider, telling me about missed calls. The last one was from my sweetheart. She has been calling me frenetically within the last 30 minutes. Must be important, as she knew I had meetings all day. Probably it is related to the upcoming birthday party of our friend Susan. She might be still confused about the birthday present she planned to buy. I told her already that these earrings would be lovely. Or maybe, it is about her travel arrangements. I know there have been problems recently for the flights between Manchester and London. Or maybe it was related to her work. She just joined that company in Manchester and is still spending time ramping up into her new role. Larger company, more clients and more responsibilities have been giving her a lot of troubles in the past weeks. This long weekend will surely be a great way to relax. Susan’s birthday will be fun, but I also planned some nice quality time when she will be over.
As I read her message, a sharp electrical shock streamed through my entire body. It was the least I expected today. The text message was very short and apparently hastily written. It said:
“Sorry. Got confused.Moving,
new job. I am not sure about
us anymore. I really need a
break. Will not stay home for
w/end & Susan’s b/day.
Sorry. Pls. Sorry”
I read the message over and over, trying to understand the meaning, the reasons, the timing. Everything was so strange and unusual. It was the least I expected today. Why? Why now? Why, so suddenly? Why us? We were doing great, despite all the confusion around her new job and the distance separating us. Why not wait the weekend, to discuss all this? What is wrong with her? What is going on? I am trying to call her but just get her voice mail. I do not feel like leaving a message. Just a “I call you back later, candy bar”.
I stay long minutes sitting at my desk, looking in front of me and trying to understand. I do not even notice the ray of sun falling into the room and playing with the water in the aquarium. It is early summer outside but a strong winter blizzard is blowing through my entire body.
Mnesika
Maybe some people don't have the courage to confront their problems...maybe it's easier to leave alone than sitting down and just talk about them.
And as I was reading your comment, I feel like when he leave (as well) a sms in my mobile. I was sleeping happily, as we met that day (3rd July...) and we had a lovely walk. Nothing was wrong and suddenly, I woke up at 2 am because outside the house there were drunk people screaming out loud. I took my mobile and I saw the sms. I thought that he send me a good-night sms but when I read it...I was completely in shock. "I don't love you" "If we continue would be a lie" "but I want you to chase your dream in London" "don't think that I don't care about you"...I read it 5 times or more and I laid down again on my bed thinking "This must be a nightmare". But it wasn't. I spent all night with my eyes completely opened, and I couldn't cry. I was so shocked...
Obviously in the morning all the tears burst violently.
Will be 2 months since then and I still don't have a good reason of why he did that to me. But maybe I don't want to know about him anymore, as the last time we talked (only two times since he dumped me) he said horrible things to me. He acted as he cared about me, but he doesn't, and he just saying stupid things and lies just to...get rid off the problem? I dunno...I don't know what to do, what to think...anything. It's a desperating situation.
Sorry for my words, but it's the consequence of loving a man that I will have to ignore.